Getting Up: Contents Under Pressure...

*sidenote: the above title is borrowed from the video game of the same name... have never played this game, but the title was definitely relative in my case lol*

I've been more than AWOL for what's a little over a month now :(... had a few personal things going on with my rent and trying to get my finances right for summer school (which starts today), and so that was definitely keeping me just a bit over-stressed out. There was a point for sure where I was definitely, definitely in a serious state of depression and discontent, because it seemed like things just kept piling up and I had nowhere to turn and no solutions in sight.

But as the saying goes, ours is an "On Time God," and the Creator definitely came through and made things fall into place for me, so at least at the current moment, my bills are paid, I have food in the pantry, and my job is supplying me with a relatively steady income. The only gripe, perhaps, that I really have is that I have to pay my roommate back for covering my half of the rent last month... and that definitely might keep me from 'stacking up my money' like I intended to all summer, at least for the month of June. Oh, and summer school starts today. Right now, I'm taking one class on loan money from financial aid. That may become two classes, depending on my discipline and whether or not I can afford it.

I will say, though: The struggle was/is hard, harder than I thought it would be. I still don't know where my money's going to come from to pay for all my textbooks (lol), but I've learned a lot about myself in the last few weeks. The single most important thing, if anything, that I've learned (and am still learning) about this current "Summer of Struggle" is that you can always sit around and be in the dumps about a situation... but it takes a lot more effort to actually pull yourself up off of the couch and out of the bed and tell yourself, "this is what needs to be done, and I'm going to do it."

Things changed a lot when I stopped saying, "Man, I'll never get out of this" and stopped dwelling on the dates I set up with young women that couldn't happen because I didn't have money to go out, or that I didn't capitalize on any opportunities. Instead, as hard as it was, I busted my butt off literally to get out of the hole. I bussed around to loan places, most of which denied me based on my meager wages with Jamba Juice at the time. My mother came through for me as best as she could in terms of helping out with the finances, which wasn't much but which was definitely more than I had. I'm about to get a serious hours increase at my job for the month of June, to where when I'm not in class, more than likely, I'll be at work (except on Tuesdays... MUST be home on Tuesdays at 8 PM for THE MOLE). And I'm teaching myself discipine - in the last three days, I've gone to bed at 12:30 or 1 AM and gotten up at about 7 or 7:30 AM. Hell, this morning, I'm up at 6:30. I may actually try and get in an extra hour of sleep when I'm done writing this lol. And I went to the gym twice in the last three days. The BrotherMan is definitely getting on that Project Uplift (Weights lol).

But I'm definitely in a process of... to paraphrase the theme of the 2006 Big XII Conference on Black Student Government so aptly put it, Construction After Destruction. No word yet on whether or not I am really on that road to 'becoming a man,' but for sure, I'm definitely more disciplined. I've also vowed to be more direct and bold in my approaches with professors, people, friends, and, yes, especially the young women I'm attracted to. I've been sending off my 'congratulatory graduation letters' to graduating seniors and will be working hard this weekend on completing those, plus 'congratulations/keep on pushing' letters for my favorite particular freshman students and mentees. I actually spent a lot of time over the last few weeks making an effort to engage and hang with many of my friends who are graduating and leaving Austin this month (perhaps it was a poor use of my money, but it was by far some of the best use of my time ever... will definitely miss many of those people). And today's paycheck, sadly, will definitely be going towards paying, at the very least, some of what I owe Anthony, replacement of the gym key I lost yesterday (Note to self: now that the buses are running more frequently, just go to the gym in your clothes, rather than bring your whole backpack there. That way, nothing has to get locked up and you don't misplace the key lol)... and I'm definitely splurging and getting a haircut today or tomorrow. Would PARTICULARLY love to splurge and go book shopping too, but... well, let's see how much the paycheck is and go from there, because for all I want to do, there is definitely slightly more I NEED to do. Who knows, perhaps today or even when I get paid two weeks from now, I'll finally get to open up a small savings account...

Anyway, it's 7 AM. Time to get back on the grind... or is that, get on it like never before for the first time? Do believe, The BrotherMan is back, and for these few moments, as Yolanda Adams put it so well, thanks largely in part to the Creator giving me discipline and a newfound sense of resolve and determination, I'm slowly finding 'The Victory' in more ways than one...