If you read it, lemme know what you think. Shouts to LadyLove for semi-inspiring this in her "Let Go" post!
---
One
Used to be, when you and me
Got together and hung out, the time we spent was more than magic
And then I felt the urge to make Confessions
And that in turn, made us fall apart in such a way that was more than tragic
It was my fault, poor judgment call
And it almost cost me one of my better friends of them all
How could I expect you to understand? You had just parted ways out of something serious
And I knew about the parting, just didn’t know the timing, and it left me delirious
What you’re seeing right now, is how could I be so insensitive?
What you didn’t know – it doesn’t matter now – but I felt what I had to say was time-sensitive
Just like my last line didn’t technically rhyme because I used the same word
My thought process gets thrown off when I think about you, girl
I should say woman, because you’ve matured and certainly grown
You’re the type of sister whom I know will survive and thrive on her own
I hate that I let my insecurities hold me back and shut me down
I was dealing with fear of a culture clash and I kept my past around
I can’t apologize for feeling how I feel about you
I feel it’s justified because I’ve always felt this way about you
Real talk: it’s a regret and wonder if I had said something beforehand
But the time has come and gone – I’m still accepting that
So if it means that you and me’s longevity will only be if we stay friends,
Then quietly I’ll hope you’ll come around, but publicly, I’ll masquerade til the very end
Because you are absolutely worth every minute of the suffering (lol)
Damn, if only I had worn a colored lettered jacket and perhaps had been Nigerian,
Or an either/or, would you have seen me as more?
Two
Dear person I knew from when it all began,
Do you think I’ve grown much from the boy I was back then?
In the back of my mind, I’m sure I’ll always revisit the thought
Of you and me becoming one. I’m sure it’ll never be forgot
Honestly, I figured out later than sooner that I crushed easily
And so it may have seemed I moved on from you breezily
Don’t get it twisted, though: there was a reason I was always there
I promise all I wrote and said to you was sincere, because I did care
The contemplation was often, why did we never hook up?
I saw your intense stare whenever I dared look up
And you were, honestly, the first person in mind
Every campus king needs a queen, and in the beginning you were mine
You shared my passion for writing, my belief in uplifting community
I felt like vibing off of you, often brought out the very best in me
The issue was when I wanted you most, something was always in the way
First my best friend wanted you, and loyalty got in my way
Then you got wifed up (twice!) and out of respect, I withheld what I wished to say
The one time I did, you thought that I was settling
I hate that you got that impression, I’m sure my track record didn’t help it
But you are NOT the type of woman I would just settle on
There’s a fire within me, that only you are allowed to put your kettle on
And there’s a smile I have that is reserved just for you
But to maintain the friendship we have now, you can never know the truth
I may put it in a letter to you one day, but you may say
“Jay, this is too late”
For the record, I just want it to be known
I believe in you, always have, and know your definitive work is on the way and will be renowned
Three
Three, most recent person to captivate my thoughts
You’re the only one I’ve never met in person, yet you keep me just as distraught
I fell for you because you’re so slick with your word choice
And because I like hearing the sound of your voice
You’re like the first female I ever actually called on consistently
And I wish I knew to some degree, that you enjoyed talking to me
I appreciated your comebacks, it’s like they complimented everything I had to say
You GOT me, and weren’t turned off (it seemed) by my goofy way
But two things kept me from saying how I felt about you:
First, you were two years my junior and I had intentions to graduate before you; and two,
You’re a state and hours away and I have no way of reaching you
And this time right now is just really damn frustrating
Because I really appreciate talking, chatting, and texting with you, because you’re so damn engaging
I just have a lot going on that I’m unsure I want to expose you to
You deserve better than everything that I’m currently going through
And even more so, you never tend to stay single for long
So I can’t even tell when’s the most appropriate time to catch you alone
I guess what I’m saying here is I like you and wish I could take a chance on you
But I wish I knew whether you were willing to take a chance on me, too
Damn, if only you were in Austin and I were in a better spot personally
I wonder if the opportunity would exist for a better possibility…
