Sacrifice

I was having a very interesting conversation about a week ago with one of the students whom I mentor. This student is contemplating graduating a semester early from college so that s/he can 'immediately start pursuing my career endeavors,' but I've continually tried to tell this student that s/he should take advantage of all eight semesters of college just because this is really the only time you'll get to yourself outside of the real world. Especially with regards to her/his particular desired career track, s/he may NEVER get a break like they've gotten in college after undergrad graduation. But perhaps the most poignant thing I took away from this conversation was something my mentee said: "Life is all about sacrifices, man."

So this has weighed on my heart and mind. Is life really all about sacrifices? I had to ask the question because, quite simply, it was something I told myself leading up to my second semester as a third-year undergrad student. In those days, I was substantially busier and much more grounded in organizational involvement. In my third year, as well, I was dealt multiple blows in the sense that I had to transition from being involved in the Black community to being involved solely in student affairs as a Resident Assistant and member of the student governing body. I told myself, for the longest time, that when I was interested in pursuing someone relationship-wise, it just might not work out because I was so busy. I felt committed, empowered, impassioned to change the world or at least the people within it. I felt that this mission would demand so much of me that I just wouldn't be able to entertain a serious relationship while in college; I felt that I just wouldn't have time for that person. She had to be willing to accept that I needed to be around in the community, and that sometimes she would have to take the back burner because of that. I think about so many times when I sacrificed opportunities to hang with friends, to go out with interesting young women, to basically just get drunk and lose my inhibitions... in the name of 'having to study,' 'having to complete this pub for a student organization before 2 PM,' 'having to keep my reputation intact.'

Taking this back somewhat further, I think about how I was living prior to coming to college. I'm the oldest in my family, so pretty much every decision I had made prior to going off to school (and even some of my decisions here at school) had to take into consideration my two younger sisters. I always felt a need to make sure that my younger sisters well off and doing fine... probably because that was ingrained in me from the very beginning. So if my friends wanted to go out and party or what have you, I had to sacrifice that outing in order to babysit if my parents had to work or 'just weren't feeling too good tonight.' When I came to college, I was put in a position whereby I didn't have to worry about that as much; I could go out when I wanted, do more of what I wanted to do without having to worry about the repercussions or having to be back in a certain time to watch my younger sisters. I was able to experience much more independence than I had ever had access to before.

It's funnier now because, even as I'm off at school, I still feel compelled, somewhat, to look back home. My aspirations have me looking towards pursuing graduate study at a law school somewhere far from Texas, either up north or on the East Coast. However, only just recently, I've felt compelled to start considering law schools in Texas because I've become worried for my younger siblings, one of whom is merely two years away from going off to college herself. That's somewhat scary: knowing that not only is one sister going off to college, but the youngest will be left at home alone with her parents.

It is scary to think that sacrifice is ALL one has to look forward to in life. That to get ahead, to stay ahead, you have to give up so much... to get what appears to be something larger, but which may, in reality be very little and probably won't mean as much to you as family, really good friends, and a strong faithful and faith-filled relationship with someone who complements you. But then, I consider the many things I've seen happen to people I know and to myself. Potential relationships sacrificed because someone felt a young lady would demand too much of his time and take away from his political ambitions. Friendships sacrificed in the name of joining a Greek letter organization to 'get ahead.' Family relationships, ballet recitals, choir concerts, UIL play performances, birthday dinners sacrificed because the extra hours had to be worked in order to pay the bills. One's identity sacrificed because 'success' and upward mobility in the workplace required the removal of an accent from one's voice or the trimming of one's hair to fit professionalism standards.

I'm almost compelled to ask the question, can you afford to be even just a little bit selfish when you have high ambitions and higher expectations than the next woman or man? Or do high demands and higher expectations dictate that you must be willing to sacrifice everything (except maybe your sanity) to reach them?